Divorce is never easy, and the prospect of stepping into a courtroom can feel incredibly unsettling. For many, the courtroom symbolizes judgment, decisions, and outcomes that can shape their future. If you’re preparing to appear in divorce court, knowing what to avoid is just as important as knowing what to say. Even a single misstep in phrasing or attitude can influence a judge’s perception.
This guide will provide straightforward advice on what not to say in divorce court, helping you feel more prepared so you can truly focus on what matters—protecting your best interests and planning for the future.
Why Your Words Matter
Testifying in divorce court is not like having an ordinary conversation; what you say is under oath and holds weight. Judges rely on your words, tone, and actions to make decisions about critical issues such as child custody, alimony, and property division. It’s important to remember that everything you say is under scrutiny.
By avoiding certain phrases and behaviors, you can maintain a professional demeanor and positively represent yourself.
Things Not to Say in Divorce Court
1. “It’s not fair!”
What you say matters—a lot. While emotions run high during divorce proceedings, openly expressing frustration about fairness rarely helps. Divorce court is not about expressing emotions; it’s about the facts of your case and the laws that apply to those facts. Judges are there to evaluate evidence and testimony and make decisions based on statutes, not personal opinions about fairness.
Instead, focus on presenting clear, concise facts that support your case. Use the time you’re allowed to speak to highlight the specific points that matter.
2. Personal Attacks on Your Spouse
Calling your spouse names or making unnecessary personal insults won’t work in your favor and often result in the judge having a bad impression of you. Courts are interested in rational disputes over legal and logistical matters—not personal vendettas.
This goes for making faces in court, too, and we always advise our clients to keep their expressions as neutral as possible and not roll their eyes when the other spouse or partner is testifying, or sigh. Sometimes a judge will admonish a party if they do that, and it’s embarrassing to be called out–so don’t do it.
So when testifying, for example, avoid statements like:
- “They’re a terrible parent.”
- “They’ve always been lazy and immature.”
Judges value respectful behavior, even in emotionally charged situations. Judges need to see that you are actively trying to co-parent. If there is a need to express concern about your spouse, stick to discussing specific incidents or patterns of behavior if they are relevant to the case, particularly when it comes to parenting or harassment concerns.
3. Anything You Can’t Prove
Making claims without evidence can damage your credibility. For instance, accusing your spouse of hiding assets without proof may undermine your case. In addition, because Colorado is a no-fault state, making any statements about infidelity is generally a terrible idea. Courts don’t want irrelevant facts and instead rely on facts proven through documentation, witness testimony, or other verifiable forms of evidence.
Whenever you state something in court, ask yourself:
- Are these facts relevant to my case?
- Do I have evidence to back this up?
- How will this statement help my case?
If not, it’s best to leave it unsaid.
4. Lies or Exaggerations
Honesty is critical during divorce proceedings. Remember, you’re under oath, after all. Misleading the court or exaggerating the truth can come back to haunt you, not only damaging your credibility but also potentially resulting in legal consequences, like perjury charges.
For example:
- Don’t inflate your spouse’s income or downplay yours.
- Avoid overstating your parenting contributions when they’re not reflective of reality.
Stick to the truth—it will serve you better in the long term, and it’s required when you’re under oath.
5. Interruptions or Displays of Disrespect
Courtrooms are formal spaces, and respect for the judge and the process is paramount. Interrupting your spouse, the judge, or court officers can make you appear unprofessional and uncooperative. Even non-verbal displays of frustration, such as loud sighs or eye-rolling, can hurt your case.
If you disagree with something, note your concerns and bring them up at the appropriate time. Your composure will demonstrate that you’re serious about your case and deserve to be heard.
6. Detailed Stories About Irrelevant Issues
Stay focused and avoid lengthy anecdotes or complaints that do not directly impact the case. While it might feel therapeutic to air grievances, the courtroom is not the right place to relive every argument from your marriage. Judges don’t want to hear a play-by-play of every disagreement—they’re looking for facts relevant to the legal issues at hand.
Think of it this way: if it doesn’t affect property division, custody, or another legal topic on the agenda, leave it out.
7. “I Don’t Care”
Statements of indifference can signal to the court that you’re disengaged from the process, which may impact decisions involving shared responsibilities or parenting. Even if you truly feel indifferent about a particular issue, avoid saying so.
For example:
- Instead of saying, “I don’t care who takes the car,” opt for, “I’m open to negotiation on the car ownership, as long as other matters are resolved fairly.”
Every statement matters, so choose words that reflect your willingness to collaborate and find reasonable solutions.
Key Tips for a Positive Court Appearance
Now that you know what not to say, here are some quick tips to ensure you stay on track:
- Be Prepared: Work with your divorce attorney ahead of time to review the key points and evidence you’ll present.
- Practice Your Statements: Practicing what you plan to say will help you feel confident and ensure clarity.
- Stay Calm: Take deep breaths and remain composed, even if emotions rise.
- Listen Carefully: Pay attention to what the judge or other speakers are saying, and only respond when it’s your turn.
Being thoughtful and composed can significantly impact how the court perceives you.
FAQs About Divorce Court Conduct
What if my spouse lies in court?
If your spouse makes false claims, provide evidence to counteract their statements. Your divorce attorney can also cross-examine them to draw out inconsistencies.
Can I bring notes to court?
Yes, bringing notes can help you remember key points and stay focused. But you won’t be allowed to have those notes with you on the witness stand or to read directly from them.
Should I respond to every accusation from my spouse?
Not necessarily. Focus on responding to accusations that directly impact your case. Your attorney can guide you on what merits a response.
What should I do if I get emotional in court?
It’s completely normal to feel emotional in such a situation. Take a moment to pause, breathe, and compose yourself. Judges understand that divorce cases are challenging, but they value clarity and professionalism.
Need Help Preparing for Divorce Court?
Being prepared for court is crucial—and so is having the right legal team by your side. At The Drake Law Firm, we’ve worked with countless individuals in Golden, Colorado, and surrounding areas up and down the Front Range to protect their best interests during divorce proceedings. If you’re unsure how to proceed or need guidance, we’re here to help.
Take the first step toward building a stronger case with confidence.