How To Recognize Signs That Your Marriage Counseling Is (Or Isn’t) Working

Marriage counseling can be really difficult. It can also be confusing, and you can be wondering, is it even working?

Hi, I’m Marie Drake of The Drake Law Firm, and today I’m going to talk to you about some of the signs that it’s not working.

First, let me commend you for trying to save your relationship. I know it doesn’t make sense, but I’m actually a hopeless romantic who happens to be a divorce attorney. And what I always tell people is try to remember your wedding day. Is there any shred of an idea that you could save this relationship through some counseling? And you don’t even have to pay for it because most churches have pastors that will counsel. Most synagogues have rabbis that will do some counseling, and most mosques have imams that’ll do counseling, or you can go to a County Mental Health Center and get some free marital counseling. But the idea that you could possibly save your relationship is something to, you know, follow. Follow your intuition on that, and I’m always going to be the proponent of that, especially when kids are involved. I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it really is the truth that if you can save your relationship, I’m going to encourage you to do that.

Another reason marriage counseling may not work is because one or both of the spouses have a history of addiction. Now, addiction isn’t just drugs and alcohol, like we all think of it. It could be a lot of things. It can be gaming. It can be porn. It can be shopping. there’s a lot of different things that can turn into an addiction depending on the person’s personality. So, if someone is continuing that addictive behavior, and they’re not trying to get some help, whether it’s some kind of sort of traditional recovery or some other kind of individual counseling to learn new behavior, that’s a sign that marriage counseling is probably not could be successful.

Another sign that marriage counseling may not work, another huge red flag, is domestic violence. If there’s a history of domestic violence, and you two haven’t received individual counseling, in addition to try marriage counseling, there’s a big chance that it’s not going to work. And Colorado has a pretty broad definition of domestic violence. It isn’t just actually physically assaulting a spouse. It also it can be verbal. It can be screaming and yelling and that kind of abuse. It can also be throwing a lamp against a wall or, God forbid, threatening to hurt the family pet. It can be a lot of different things. And if someone isn’t going to change, and that means both of you, if you’re in the cycle, and you can’t break out of it, you very possibly need individual counseling. But first, you both need to admit there’s a huge problem and that’s just one of the giant flags in marital counseling, if any of that continues.

Okay, to recap, if you are in marriage counseling, and you’re seeing progress, stay in it, don’t quit before the miracle, especially if kids are involved, we’re going to be supportive of that. We are supportive of that. But guess what, if the wheels are coming off and you’ve made a decision that you need a divorce, give us a call. We’re standing by. We’ll help you march through it, and we’ll help you do it drama-free if at all possible, but especially if kids are involved. That’s what we do here at The Drake Law Firm, and we hope to hear from you soon, but only if you actually need a divorce.